I like politics. I like traveling in the United States.
Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever...
Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this except...
Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction after all has to make...
When in doubt tell the truth.
Truth is stranger than fiction but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick...
Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.
It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time.
A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must...
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very' your editor will...
A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.
All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.
The finest clothing made is a person's own skin but of course society...
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
When people do not respect us we are sharply offended yet in his private...
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress but I...
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is...
The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
The lack of money is the root of all evil.
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same but the...
Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not...
When you fish for love bait with your heart not your brain.
What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His...
To succeed in life you need two things: ignorance and confidence.
When we remember we are all mad the mysteries disappear and life stands...
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you...
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind it takes me as much as a week...
You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach but it...
The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow there is no humor in Heaven.
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy...
Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.
Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out...
The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want drink what...
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from...
My books are like water those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately)...
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles but most of them never...
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me but I think she enjoyed it.
Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.
Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when...
What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said...
To be good is noble but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.
